Lonely was how I would describe much of my first year with my daughter. I wished I had more people to ooh and aah over my baby. I missed my mom, and my imaginary extended family who would drop by and dandle the cutey and tell me what a great job I was doing. However, being an older mom, far away from the friends I grew up with, without friends with children in town, I was on my own, with my husband. And he was going through his own stuff, busy with managing all the things undone while I was nursing. And we managed. I adjusted. Then, when J was 7 months, a very close couple-friend (the husband a buddy of my husband, the wife a close friend of mine) announced their impending parenthood.


The next month, we discovered A would be joining our family. Since then, I haven’t had time to be lonely. And those friends? They have become closer than anyone to us. Their son is our daughters’ weekend playmate, and we have together weathered the storms of new parenthood. The wife and I email, and she has become a great confidante. I appreciate her more than any friendship in a long, long time. It was the joy of sharing crazy bits of this and that with her that started me thinking maybe I needed to write this stuff down where I could see it all at once, and maybe open it to others.


So here we go.


One thought on “Lonely

  1. On lonely:

    Said wife agrees with Treehouse Guru on a) that parenthood is the loneliest job on the planet, and b) that most of the time there just isn’t any time for loneliness, or the contemplating/dealing with thereof – but that doesn’t mean the effects aren’t felt.

    I recently remarked to a mutual cheese-lover that I am constantly astounded by the overwhelming alone-ness of being a mother – especially considering that with a little thumper in the house, I’m pretty much never alone.

    But contrary to my extremely misplaced expectations of greater connectedness with others through and because of bringing a baby into the world, I’ve actually witnessed greater and greater distancing from the very people I thought I would be closer to. My own mother, for example.

    If I could go back in time (perish the thought!), the one thing, the only thing, I would ever change in my life would be being there more for my very dear friend, Mother of J, when J was still an Only. But, this is one of the great mysteries of parenthood, it seems. Unless you are currently going through the vast turbulence of baby-rearing, you have NO IDEA what it’s really like. This fact is what has kept the human race propagating, of course. But it makes for awfully sad and lonely mothers.

    Treehouse Guru, it took me a while, but I’ve got your back now. And a bottle of w(h)ine, whenever you want to share one.


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